My Dream Wedding Planner

July 15th, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

So I didn’t use a planner for my wedding. I didn’t feel to strongly about most of the details, was happy to let things just happen and even though the event was on the formal side, I had a pretty casual attitude toward the proceedings. Really, I just had faith that it would be a great time and didn’t sweat it too much. I was lucky.BUT, if I did have to pick a wedding planner, I think I couldn’t dream up a better one than Wong Kar-Wai, a filmmaker whose pictures have been tantalizing me for years. I think Chunking Express was the first movie of his I saw, but the ones that have most captivated my mind are Days of Being Wild  and In the Mood for Love.Now, what inspired this musing? If you must know, I caught sight of a little squib of an article that appeared this week saying that he’ll be “directing” the wedding of Tony Leung and Carina Lau.  He’s even bringing on his fab art director, William Chang. I don’t know if my eyes could handle such extreme stylishness. 

Spotted

July 8th, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

Something happened to me yesterday that had never happened before. I tottered onto the elevator with the terrier for his first walk of the day. These excursions are more for his benefit than mine, and I realize I tend to look sort of wooly when we go out. If the What Not to Wear people were filming me, these would be the most horrible images to have to confront. The fact that the humidity is hovering around 9,000% makes me look more like some sort of deranged Afghan Hound than responsible professional…So it was with some surprise that a woman on the elevator looked at me and said: “I saw you in a magazine. You’re an etiquette expert.”This woman has quite a skill because that photograph in New York Magazine Weddings doesn’t look wildly like me and looks nothing like the wool monster she saw in the elevator, but it was a great moment in a cranky day, and gave me quite the kick.

The Obvious Darkness of Wedding TV

July 3rd, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

I have to admit, I’ve sort of been waiting for someone to comment on the obvious: the We Channel (”television for women”) really hates women. Of course, maybe the We Channel is the channel for The Women, as in the 1939 George Cukor movie in which the cast of stars and starlets maul each other like so many wild animals. Their wedding coverage is dedicated to women humiliating and debasing themselves in ways that are not only unpleasant but unimaginative as well (witness Bridezillas, which covers the shrew/gold digger/ bossy / greedy / harridan stereotypes and Bulging Brides which takes care of the body issues/ eating disorders/ general self loathing side of things).Happily, while I’ve been stewing, Sarah Haskins has gotten creative. Witness her commentary in this Target Women clip. 

Hey!

July 3rd, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

It was with great pleasure that I heard from my oldest friend last night. It is always good to get her missives, but this little one read simply: “Hey– Kate’s Paperie carries your book!” Now, for those of you who aren’t stationery and paper and pen and ink and journal fanatics, as I am (not in an organized way, just a hoarder really) Kate’s Paperie feels a bit like the book has arrived.So if you’re looking at wedding invitations and if you’re in Kate’s and pondering what language to use, I’ll be there, pointing you in a reasonably reasonable direction.  

Worst Case Scenarios

June 21st, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

No one wants to think about it. No one wants to deal with it. Wedding collapses are such toxic unmentionables that when they happen, no one knows what to do. It’s incredibly difficult to get around a canceled wedding, let alone being jilted at the altar, and Good Morning America this week did a piece on some women who exhibited real grace under pressure.

There is of course plenty of fictional history for altar jiltings. There’s Miss Havisham in Great Expectations and a quick search will reveal a trove of novels, movies, studies all about runaway brides bolting at the last minute.

Anyway, there is no way to erase the pain and embarrassment and general horror of being dumped, but there is etiquette and that is why Chapter 16 of Something New is all about how to handle the worst.

Contest at Wedding Bee

June 19th, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

If you haven’t been to the stylish and stunning web site Wedding Bee, skip over there directly and get inspired and while you’re there, you might be able to win a copy of Something New.

Handed Down

June 19th, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

It is really interesting how so many quotidian habits turn odd and complicated when stuck in the hazy lens of a wedding. Consider hand-me-downs. Siblings pass clothes and toys up and down without a second thought. My mother and I have spent decades sharing clothes. We hand books to friends when we love them, on and on and on…But things are different when your mother is offering you her wedding dress to wear at your nuptials, or if your mother-in-law-to-be wants you to use her pearls. What do you do if you don’t want to use the dress, the shoes, the antique veil, the pearls, the gloves? Can you Say No to Wedding Hand-me-downs? There are ways to do it.  

Bridesmaidland

June 9th, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

This is the title of Chapter 3 of Something New, but this CNN article (which I found via Salon’s Broadsheet postings) is a great illustration of why being a member of the wedding can make one feel as if one has a wasting disease instead of an honorary job on a happy occasion.

In all likelihood, the horror stories CNN gleefully airs are worst case scenarios, notable for being wild and bitter and far from the norm. They make everyone who has been an “easy” bride smug and happy and every member of a wedding who doesn’t feel as if she had been hit by a train, robbed and left friendless in a weird outfit feel like she’s dodged a bullet.

But there is something a bit inappropriate about bridesmaid culture and it isn’t in the expense (though money should be respected and finances considered) and it isn’t in the parties or the dresses. People should not use their weddings as a means to test and measure the friendship. The articles about crazy brides depict them as behaving like gods from Greek and Roman mythology, setting out impossible and silly tasks for their human pawns to achieve so they can prove themselves.  Everyone should give it a break, turn down the volume on requirements and try to have a good time that isn’t (literally) at someone else’s expense. And prospective bridesmaids can always say “no” as long as they’re nice about it.

Intriguing

May 29th, 2008 | Posted in Writing |

Forgive my silence. Life got away from me for a moment there, and now I’m back on the day of quite remarkable nuptial news from New York State. Our new governor has declared that New York State must recognize the marriages of gay couples who got hitched elsewhere. This is terribly exciting, since members of my own family were forced to marry quite far afield, in the land of Anne of Green Gables, and to know that their marriage counts where they live is pretty amazing. Of course it is odd that New York is the only state to recognize gay marriages that have happened elsewhere while not allowing gay marriage itself, but the gesture is substantial and I have to admit, I’m a bit surprised to see Governor Paterson making such a statement so early in his term, which has, itself, been flooded with questions of marriage and (in)fidelity since the Spitzer scandal broke. 

TV - When Bad Manners Turns Into Litigation

May 8th, 2008 | Posted in Media |

Back in October, MSNBC tapped me to talk about the bad behavior of one bride who, when faced with the wrong color hydrangeas, filed a law suit against her florist for much more than the cost of her wedding. See the clip.